It's All True

A few years ago, long before I was a parent, I vividly remember talking to my friend Tallulah one day and pointing out that she had some baby puke on her shoulder. She literally shrugged it off, telling me that there wasn't a single article of clothing she owned that hadn't been drooled, puked, spat, peed, shat, or otherwise dripped on.

Really? I wondered how this fashionable, talented performer could deal with the challenges of maintaining a professional TV/stage wardrobe with a baby around. I concluded that she must just be a slob.

Well, it's all true. Last night, while Milo and I were enjoying the hockey game (Canucks 4, Red wings 2. Hooray!) Milo had a long, loud, wet-sounding poo. His facial expression was hilarious - I guess he's not used to the sensation yet. The first period was just ending so I went to change him right away. Before we even got to the change table, however, I noticed that poo was dripping right out of him. Yikes! I immediately went into damage control and salvaged his shirt (my new fave) but that was about it. Everything else was covered. Cloth diaper, diaper cover, pants, socks, shoes, change pad, change table, and floor. And, of course, most of his body - hands, arms, and pretty much everything from the nipples down. When we got back to the bedroom, I noticed that two pillows, the bedsheet, and the comforter had all sustained some collateral damage too. Wow. Then I noticed my arm, shirt, and pants too. Holy crap. (And I mean that about the crap.)

And I thought the drool was bad. Or the meconium poo that he deposited in my chest hair in his first hour with us. Well, I guess that's my official baptism. Tallulah, by the way, is not a slob. Her daugher hasn't leaked on her in years, and in fact sings backup vocals on this new CD, which everyone should buy. It rocks.

** Luke Doucet's new CD, Broken (and other rogue states) is available at Six Shooter Records, from the iTunes Music store, or at your local record store.

*** Order from Amazon: Broken (And Other Rogue States)