Milo likes putting things on his head

We spend so much time in the kitchen, what with the cooking and the cleaning and the "too cold to take the recycling out right now so let's let it pile up until the snow melts" and all that, that Milo just loves to play there. I don't blame him -- there's always new stuff to find and explore.

Take, for example, our pile of cardboard boxes for the recycling bin. The Kilkenny four-pack holder turns out to have the same general circumference as Milo's head. And he figured it out by himself. Good thing I had the camera handy. Or bad thing, if the social workers ever stop by my blog. I repeat, Milo does not drink beer, and only occasionally does he see his parents doing so. And it's usually Guinness.


He liked it so much he just kept putting it on and taking it off. Note the unbearably hawesome t-shirt he's wearing. I swear, he's the coolest 17-month-old in town.


And then, he's ready for bed. Might as well put his blanket on his head too, since it's so warm and cozy.

Bigger and cuter... and more dangerous!

Yeah, he sure looks older here. See how the hat matches the fleece pullover? That wasn't an accident... I MEANT for him to coordinate.

By the way, that's not a garbage can on his shirt, as more than one person has suggested, it's actually a penguin in a scarf. A green penguin. I assume it's to encourage his imagination, since we all know the idea of green penguins is clearly insane.


What's that? The button on the George Foreman grill makes a beeping noise and turns lights on? Hey buddy, it also heats big metal plates up to 300 degrees. Or at least it used to, before I unplugged it. Bye George, you're the greatest asparagus griller I've ever seen. But you're too dangerous!


Look closely, and you'll see Milo standing on top of a bamboo steamer plate so he can get a better look at George. Man, that boy is clever.

Enjoy it now, Milo, because with Daddy's genes, you'll be seven feet tall by your next birthday.

They go together like children and beer

We've got a lot of Japanese memorabilia floating around our house -- that's what you get from spending years living there.

One thing we've saved is our collection of "kiddie sized" beer cans, still full of fine Japanese beer. They're not intended for children, of course, it's just that the tiny 200ml cans (which are about the size of a small juice box) seem ridiculous to us pint-drinkers.

The funny thing is that they're the perfect sized can for a two-year-old to play with. Even if you're not quite one-and-a-half.


And no, he's never actually tasted beer or any other kind of alcohol, but I swear, he knows EXACTLY what to do when he turns 19. I still don't know what this facial expression is all about, but it's awesome.

The Coolest Dad

Wow, for the first time ever, the war on "The war on Christmas" has started up before either the war on Christmas or Christmas itself. (If you're confused, see Jon Stewart.)

Honey, here's a couple things I'd like to see on Christmas morning. Both are really for Milo... :D


This one is obvious. It's my job.


And this one is my choice for Grimm and Edward Gorey of the new generation.

The Canadian Blog Awards featuring Meg Fowler!

It's true, I'm not nominated. Whew. I don't think I could stand the pressure.

Meg Fowler of the appropriately named MegFowler.com, on the other hand, has nerves of steel. Steel reinforced with megadoses of coffee.

And she's been nominated -- twice! So c'mon, people, show her some love. She gives me M&M's.

Vote for Meg Fowler for "Best New Blog" and "Best Personal Blog" here!

And she's only kidding about the kitten and the duck (which is not a duck). I think.

Britney and FedEx vs. the Children

I know, I've now mentioned Kevin Federline TWICE in one month, for a total of twice ever. I won't do three.

That said, the latest divorce news is really stunning. Do people really act that way? Are we sure it's not all some kind of joke on the public?

What I'm talking about, of course, is the news about the sex tape.

The two of them made a sex tape and now he's threatenting to release it unless she's willing to make a deal.

He's apparently been offered 26 million pounds (about $50 million) but has offered it to Britney for only $30 million plus her two children.

First of all, isn't that illegal? Extortion? The guy should be in jail. I can't begin to describe how loathsome that is.

Secondly, the tape is FOUR HOURS long. That's, like, the extended version of The Return of the King, but with only one troll and (hopefully) no hobbits.

And thirdly, there's this quote:

"At the time the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn't keep their hands off each other. They did nothing all day but have sex - and play the odd game of chess. They were insatiable and they believed they would be together forever. Britney didn't think twice about making the video at the time. She mistakenly believed that their love would last. They adored filming each other. They lived their lives in front of the cameras - even making a short-lived reality TV show of their exploits. Sex was no different to them, it seems. Now this video could prove very costly to her. Millions of people will be prepared to pay to watch. Kevin has told Britney she should comply with his demands otherwise the whole world will see her having sex, which will be devastating. At the moment Kev is in talks with a company in Arizona about putting the four-hour sex vid online. If it all goes to plan he'll make [$50 million] from it."

What no one has mentioned about this (that I've read) is the line "They did nothing all day but have sex - and play the odd game of chess."

Chess? Those two?

I suppose the media (I'm looking at you, Perez Hilton and The Superficial -- how could you miss THAT nugget?!?) were just too caught up in the whole blackmailing-the-four-hour-sex-tape-for-children-and-cash thing to notice that there's no way on earth either of them would ever play chess.

In fact, I think that's a secret clue telling us the whole thing is a setup.

Chess.

Thanks to Erin, who was laughing so hard she could barely breathe, much less say the word "chess."

The Worst Parent Ever

I have days where I feel like the coolest Dad ever. And sometimes I have to question whether or not I'm warping my boy for life.

No, I'm not talking about wandering around without any pants on, something that both men in this house do rather often.

It's my strategy for removing chocolate bars as a source of temptation.

I accidentally left the box of leftover Halloween candy on the floor, where Milo had absolutely no trouble finding it.

So when I walked in on him playing in a small pile of chocolate bars, I didn't know how I was going to get out of this one without stealing candy from a baby and making him cry.

Well, cleanup went well, and everything was returned to its box, save for one small KitKat bar.

So I let him have it. He stuck it in his mouth, chewed on it, slurped a little, and generally crushed it with his few teeth while covering it with drool. No sugar high, no caffeine buzz, and he eventually lost interest.

See, I never took the wrapper off or even told him about the whole wrapper concept. Am I evil? Or just creative.

Feel free to take pointers from me, and give your children all the junk food you want -- as long as it's hermetically sealed.

Oh, and I ate the pulverized mess of chocolate myself. I especially enjoyed the pieces with discernible bite marks.

P.S. I KNOW I'm not the only one who does this. My friends Dave and Donna have long told their children about the "music truck" that drives around playgrounds in the summer time. The fact that it sells ice cream hasn't been mentioned.

Worst Week Ever

So my question of the day is: "Who had the worst week?"

A) Saddam Hussein

B) Kevin Federline

C) The multi-headed beast from Hell that is George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Karl Rove?